I knew it was going to happen, it just took longer than I expected. My mom visited me in a dream last night.
I was in a theater, in the dark, and the lights came on, so I guess the play had just ended. I stood and turned around and my family was in the row behind me, still seated. My mom had been sitting behind me the entire time.
I said to her, "I've been waiting for you. I thought you were gone."
She responded, "No. I'm not gone. I'm always here."
And then I woke up, but desperately tried to go back to sleep, to the dream. I wanted to talk to her some more.
Today was hard. It feels as if I am finally starting to grieve. So many people tell me that I'm strong, but I don't see what they see. I just don't want to be that mopey person that is depressing to be around, so I am trying to be strong, and humorous, but today I just need to cry and possibly, admit that I'm really quite frightened about everything going on with my health. Today I am so grateful for Alan and his hugs, and for not having to be brave around him. I'm grateful for a beautiful day of sunshine.
I wonder how common that dream is. The kids down my street during my childhood lost their father and I so strongly remember their stories of those dreams. Your story took me back 35 years.
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, if I may be so presumptive to a) be direct and b) speak for a group of people I don't really know, we will all love you and want to be around you whether you are mopey or humorous or both or neither.
Steve said it perfectly. We love you just the way you are.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone! OXOX
ReplyDelete