Who loves ya, baby?

"Love is my gift to the world. I fill myself with love, and I send that love out into the world. How others treat me is their path; how I react is mine." -Dr. Wayne Dyer

In January, I started a gratitude journal. I attempt to write in in Monday through Friday, and do most days. First, I write my 3 goals for the day, and then I write what I'm grateful for. 

The goals are not a "to-do" list. They are more along the lines of "Be gentle with myself." "Be kind, but firm." "Let go of perfection." "Focus." "Practice calm: Calm leads to calm." Sometime it's just one word. It's a nice way for me to start my day.

Gratitude has been on my mind a lot these days. I was flipping through my journal and found these entries from February, when this journey was barely beginning.:

2/19/13 

1) health 

2) school 

3) forgiveness 

Grateful for my amazing friends. Grateful for seeing the good in people instead of believing the worst. Grateful for my very loving husband. 
We all have a story we tell ourselves so that we can get by. It's only our truth. It's not anyone else's reality.

2/20/13

1) healthy emotions

2) health 

3) creativity 

Thanks for the perspective, Universe. Grateful for kind doctors and nurses. Grateful for great friends. Grateful for perspective and paradigm shifts. For Alan, who is my rock and I will always have him at the to of my grateful list. 

And then - I wrote this: 

What if this was it? What if life will be changing drastically and be shorter? What will I change? How can I make every moment matter? How do I stop being me? No, I like being me ... how do I be the best me I can possibly be? 

That's a big question - and I've been working on it this year! Some of it is letting go of people who don't have my best interests at heart. I have a hard time letting people go who don't love me back, but I'm working on it. Slowly, with care. 

I reached out to several friends recently, whom I haven't seen in quite a while. Two responded so positively and full of joy that it lifted me up. We're working on finding time to see one another soon, even though we live very far apart. Two other friends, who live close by, didn't respond at all. And while it hurts, how they treat me is their path. My only response is to love, and let them go. Carrying bitterness or anger won't help me. Fighting for these unresponsive friends to stick with me won't cure me. Those who can stick by me, will, and have. And for that, I am grateful.  

I'm grateful that I'm working on being the best me that I can possibly be. I'm grateful to you for sharing my journey with me!